It has to be more fun to be the villain than the hero.  Yes, you might die in the end, but probably in a supJawser cool way – if you’re lucky you can be Rasputin-esque and just keep coming back.  You get better costumes, gorier scars and more elaborate weapons.  Usually, you have what seems to be a failsafe plan to take over the world or destroy large numbers of people.  You have a side-kick that you can treat like a dog.  You get to be HEINOUS.  And who doesn’t want that every now and then?  Our hero James Bond seems to come into contact with human kind’s worst. 

Here is a list of my favorites:

Goldfinger loves gold and would never mix metals no matter what the fashion mags say.  He hatches a roundabout plan to contaminate all US gold in Fort Knox.  He gets sucked out of a plane (+4). 

Blofeld killed Bond’s wife and has yet to die and has a white cat(+6).

Dr. No has metal hands and dies by boiling in radioactive liquids (+10 – he has metal hands!).

Helga Brandt is a redheaded lady-expert in torture that has relations with Bond reasoning with herself that she’s going to kill him anyway, so what’s the big deal.  She gets dropped into a tank of hungry piranhas (+7).

Emilio Largo gets shot in the back with a spear gun.  Not so impressive.  But he gets points for his eye patch (+3).

Rosa Klebb is another angry Russian.  She is very serious and has poison-tipped shoes and anything involving shoes gets points from me (+4, -1 because I think they are clogs).

Tee Hee has a robot arm.  And, his name is “Tee Hee.” Bond cuts off his arm and throws him from a train (+5).

Nick Nack, the smallest of villains, but not lacking in swarthiness is probably the most versatile of bad guys.  He kills people and has time to cook dinner (+6).

Jaws has the braces from hell.  I’m not sure what the point is of all that metal in his mouth, but he has no problem biting through shark skin.  Unfortunately, points must be deducted for changing sides and becoming an ally to Bond.  What a wimp (+3, -2).


Points don’t lie, people.  Dr. No is the winner with 10 points.  He has metal hands!  Who is your favorite?

For what seems to be a complete list of Bond villains, visit this site.