To protect the not so innocent, we will refer to The Hubbs’ younger brother as simply “D.”  Over the weekend, The Hubbs and I went to visit his family including D who is 12 years old.  Excuse me – 12 ½.  I have never been a 12 ½ year old boy.  Of course, I knew plenty of them when I was D’s age.  I guess I just forgot what it’s like to be an almost teenager out of school for the summer with no job and no transportation of his own.  Oh, and let’s not forget that he’s a boy.  Eew.  Boys=cooties.

These were the highlights of our conversations with D:

  1. The monsters that live inside you: possible parasites and how they get in your insides.  How long they can be in you until you realize they are there.  And, the painful ways in which the parasites must be extracted.
  2. Conjoined twins.  “How will they get jobs if they don’t separate themselves from each other?”
  3. Dogs and tapeworms.  “I can see them coming out of their butts!”
  4. “Watch this…” followed by some kind of crazy arm-leg movements usually aimed at one of the dogs.
  5. “What is the medical word for pooping?  I am going to tell my friends at school that I have to defecate.”
  6. “What is the medical word for peeing?  I have to urinate.”
  7. Anything and everything having to do with bowling.
  8. USC football
  9. “I bet I can hit that box that says ‘warning’ on it with this rock.  Wanna see?”
  10. “That lady down the street has a rich-looking driveway.”
  11. “Do you want to see my pet spider?”  By the way, every brown spider is now a Brown Recluse.
  12. And….”I have a lot of shoes.  To go with my outfits.  Well, you don’t wanna be wearing a green shirt and then wear gray shoes with it.”  Touché, my dear boy.  Touché.

D is my favorite 12 ½ year old.  In. The. World.