I had a check-up with my new general physician yesterday.  I hope I made a good impression.  I think I strive for that close relationship where Doc knows my name without looking at my chart, can remember my husband’s name and asks about him, and I really want to call my doctor “Doc.”  Does this kind of relationship with the “town doctor” even exist anymore?  Probably not.  So many patients and not enough time to get to know each other.  How are we supposed to become BFF if we only have 5 minutes? And she knows how much I weigh.  I don’t usually discuss numbers with friends.  Plus, some might say I’m a difficult patient.  I’m the girl that comes in with a list of things to discuss. 

“I think I’m having heart palpitations.”

“Do I have a brain tumor?”

“Do I have oddly shaped bones?”

“I feel like I have the smallest nasal cavity in the world.”

“Do my veins look too blue to you?”

“See this spot?  Does it look weird to you?  Like an angry freckle?”

Also – and I hope other women will understand this – I had to make sure that my legs were shaved and I had on pretty underwear.  This is crucial.  #1 Leg and armpit hair removal = cleanliness and non-grossy-ness.  I didn’t want Doc feeling my ankles and pricking her fingers in the process.  And, I am completely uncomfortable with girly armpit stubble.  #2 Pretty underwear=sophistication.  I could wear my full coverage, creamy colored underwear with the holes at the elastic band and be more comfortable.  But, I would like to appear as though I am the well put together, can pull off the cute/trendy/matchy-matchy underwear even on an off day when I have a doctor’s appointment sophisticated woman. 

Right? Mmmmm….sure.

So, really my doctor’s appointment yesterday went a little something like this:

Legs and armpits – check.

Underwear – check.

Fresh breath – check.

Drive to the wrong office – check.

Scurry to the right office – check.

Fill out mounds of paperwork – check.

Pre-pay for services – check.

Wait – check.

Figure out paper gown – check.

Wait –check.

Meet Doc – check.

Mouth diarrhea of symptoms and family history – check check.

Freak out possible BFF Doc – check.

Nervous laughter – check.

Make a joke about us being on our first date when she asks about a breast exam – yeah, check.

Finish up and re-clothe – check.

Check out – check check check.


Maybe she will remember my name after all.