It almost went down today at the gym.  I was in the women’s area of the gym.  You know, the room where only women are allowed so that we can jiggle only in front of other women.  I prefer to run on the treadmill in the women’s room because it is harder for men to watch my butt, which in turn, allows my jostling buns to move the earth around the sun uninterrupted.  Stand near me while I’m on the treadmill with a cup full of milk and ice cream and you’ll get a milkshake.

Anyway, the women’s room is preferable for TV watching as well.  The room is not very big and has two flat screen TVs mounted on the wall in front of three cardio machines.  The volume is turned up and you don’t need ear buds to hear what’s going on like you do on the main floor.  I try to coordinate my cardio workout around the availability of one of these machines.  However, if someone is in the room before you arrive, you are often at the mercy of their viewing choice.  I have only gone into the room once and turned around immediately because some teenybopper was watching a reality show on MTV.  Most of the time, people are sensible and stay on the news or popular morning talk shows.  Keep in mind that the main floor of my gym has several cardio machines with about 10 TVs on the wall.  There’s no need to cause a scene.

Well, I and two other ladies were in the middle of our workouts and watching Rachael Ray do something with pasta – surprise!  Another lady comes into the room and brings her muscles with her.  Now, why does she need to be in this room in the first place?  She has the body to be on the main floor.  The rest of us need this room in order to live.  She comes in and immediately starts changing the channels.  Mid-channel-change she looks at one of the ladies and asks her if it’s okay to switch.  The other lady says that it’s fine to switch.  HELLO?  There are two additional people in the room, MUSCLEMANIA.  She doesn’t care.  She keeps changing.  CLICK CLICK CLICK.  She settles on Hoda and Kathie Lee, which makes me vomit blood– mentally vomit blood.  The blood of the innocent that Hoda and Kathie Lee are spilling with their shrilly hahas and wine drinking at 10 AM. Blood. All. Over.   Really?  This is better than pasta?  There are no carbs involved with LOOKING at pasta.

A few minutes tick away.  I am working up the courage to say something, but figure that the appropriate moment has passed.  This happens to me a lot.  I tend to overanalyze and the opportunity to confront someone in a situation is then long gone.  BUT from the shadows of the chest press machine comes Annie Oakley, guns ablazing (ha. “guns”- like muscles.  You know it’s good.).  I think she said something like, “Can you turn it back to Rachael Ray?”  MUSCLEMANIA replied, “Huh?”  Big mistake.  Annie may not have the strength to lift her own body weight, but by the look on her face I’m pretty sure she can make grown men cry.  “Turn it back.”  That’s all she said in response.  “Turn it back.”  Oh, hell yeah.  I’d turn it back in a skinny. 

Funny enough, it turns out that they both wanted to watch The View.  MUSCLEMANIA just had the channel wrong.  I appreciate Annie’s boldness.  She didn’t even say “please.”  And, she looked pissed.  Maybe that’s how she looks all the time because her expression did not change even when The View finally came on and Whoopie said something about farts. 

One day I’ll be on the main floor and I won’t have to worry about channel drama.  And someone else will have to make the milkshakes.

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