We had a slow Sunday evening here at the Miles residence.  And when I say “slow” I mean unable to process anything above a 5th grader’s attention span.  Thus, we watched Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium.

A couple of things…

  1. Dustin Hoffman is one of my favorites.  As Mr. Magorium he has a strange lisp and floofy hair and crazy-ass eyebrows.  He reminds me of that one guy in Gladiator with the long, curly eyebrows.  That’s the only description I have, and yes, I know that’s annoying.  Also, Dustin channels Tootsie throughout the film, which made it all worth it to me.
  2. Natalie Portman sports a short hair cut.  I love short hair cuts.  I don’t love this one.  It didn’t do her any favors and she’s such a pretty girl.  Also, her outfits were a little kooky.  Not “kooky” as in zany, but “kooky” as in she looks 12 years old and has boy hair.  Zany outfits could have fit into the whole “magical toy store” theme.  I would have been fine with that.  And, HELLO, the problem with her concerto in the movie is completely unresolved.  I am unsatisfied with this portion of the movie.  BTW (that means “By the way”, mother), I would have painted flowers all over the wooden block Mr. Magorium gives Natalie’s character and used it as a doorstop instead of letting the block act as my impetus for imagination. 
  3. I am somewhat concerned about the small boy, Eric, who has no friends and collects hats.  Some of which, are pink.  I direct you to the scene in which Eric shows Jason Bateman’s character his collection.  Eric says that he has worn all of his hats.  Hmmmm…and he has no friends?  This issue is also NEVER RESOLVED.  They could have thrown a scene in there of another little boy or girl who comes in the store at the end and tells Eric that he/she likes his hat or, better yet, he/she is wearing a hat of his/her own – BAM! That’s what I call “resolution”, people.  ERIC SHOULD HAVE A FRIEND.  Please note that Natalie and Jason do not count as friends.  They are too old for him.
  4. Oh, Jason Bateman.  Secret crush of my life from the TV series The Hogan Family.  I am speaking directly to you, Jason: Always be funny.  It’s your thing.  The scene where you are pretending to be a dragon, somewhat funny, but more cute than funny.  I need you to be funny.

I have now convinced myself that I need my own morning show where I discuss movies.  Or maybe I can discuss movies AND be an ice cream taster.  Who doesn’t like movies and ice cream? 

TV Execs:  I await your call.