Somewhat coherent thoughts on being sick…

I would give up my left big toe to be able to breathe through one nostril.

Trying to breathe through congestion is like trying to suck a sponge through a straw…a straw that is stuck up your nose.  Also, I think I may have actually blown some of my brains out and now I can’t remember how to multiply two digit numbers.

When The Hubbs and I are both sick, sleeping in the same bed becomes impossible.  We tried to stay together, but I woke up with a used tissue on my head.  He is now in the guest room until he’s better.

I still hate chamomile tea with honey.

Laundry really doesn’t do itself.  That’s ok, though, because I think we wore the same clothes for 3 days in a row. 

The poor dog is mixing his own drinks now because mummy can’t get out of bed to do it for him.  Hopefully, he won’t take a vengeful poop in my shoes downstairs while I have my head stuck over the humidifier.

Congestion makes my voice sound funny over the phone.  “Hi, I’d like to order a large pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms, please” becomes “I’m an old ping-pong and your fancy hush-hush flooms are sleazy.” We never did get our pizza.

Daytime television causes uncontrollable eye-twitching.  I think it’s stress.  I don’t care about that “vintage” picture frame that is supposedly easy to sand down and repaint.  No, I do not want to purchase a commemorative coin or a motorized recliner that will take me anywhere.  Yes, you did say her husband was a no-good womanizer and she’s right: You are a hussy!

If you stare at a popcorn ceiling for long enough, it becomes one of those Magic Eye pictures.  Our bedroom ceiling has a mural of a serene landscape with horses running through a field.  I think they’re headed to the Starbucks located above our closet door.

Tissues with aloe are slimy and do nothing to calm the skin on my nose.  In fact, my nose is threatening to pack up and leave and, if it can be arranged, take my right eye along.  Then, I will be nose-less and only have one eye and I will still be sick.  But at least I have a good attitude, right?