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In our household, updating the Netflix queue is just about as important as taking a shower, which is very important – especially during the summer.  Every time I run across a movie, a classic movie that The Hubbs hasn’t seen I’m astonished.  How have you made it this far in life without seeing The Godfather trilogy or The Deer Hunter?  Are you a real person?  Or have I made you up and my brain couldn’t possibly make you 100% perfect, so your one flaw is that you haven’t watched M*A*S*H, the movie?

Me: Well, what are you in the mood for next?

The Hubbs: Ummm..

Me: OH MY GOSH!  You could finally watch Animal House and become a real boy.

The Hubbs: …

Me: How come you haven’t seen this, anyway?

The Hubbs: We’ve been over this.  My parents didn’t watch a lot of movies.  Because…

Me: Because they didn’t want you to see “R” rated movies?

The Hubbs: No.  Because…

Me:  Because, honestly, “R” rated movies?  Ya’ll were out jumping off of roofs and getting tangled in fences and jumping off of bridges.  You probably would have been safer inside watching an “R” rated movie.

The Hubbs: BECAUSE my parents had other things to do.  They were busy.  That’s why.

Us: …

Me: That’s dumb.

Thank God he’s seen Blazing Saddles.  This marriage will work afterall.

I have a sore throat.  I have had a sore throat for two days with no other symptoms.  I must have swallowed a bird, who at the idea of being swallowed decided to push his little bird legs against my throat, digging in with his little bird claws so as not to go down with out a fight.  And now I am left with a scratched up throat and I’m burping feathers.  And because I couldn’t make the trip to the grocery store yesterday (because who goes to the store after swallowing a bird?), The Hubbs took my list and shopped for me so that we wouldn’t starve.

Me: Did you find everything on the list?

TH: Yep. Got everything.

Me: Great.  You’re the best.

TH: I decided to get different bread, though.

Me: What? Why?

TH: Because I saw another bread I wanted and like.

Me: You don’t like the bread I’ve been buying?  You hate the bread I’ve been buying.

TH: No.  That’s not even.  That’s not true I just like this bread…also.

Me: But what’s wrong with the bread that I normally get?  You could have said something if you don’t like it.  I’m supposed to guess?

TH: I do like the bread you’ve been buying, this bread has fewer calories.

Me: OH.  So, I’m feeding you fatty bread?  Fatty fat bread.  I’m not conscious of your nutrition? I’m not concerned about your health?  Your overall well-being?  Who was it that volunteered to make you a lunch every morning before you go to work so that you wouldn’t eat out everyday?  Me.  That’s who.  Who tries to have well-balanced meals ready for you when  you come home from work?  Me.  That’s who.  Who usually goes to the store and tries to make decisions like getting pretzels instead of potato chips, which is a hard decision to make by the way? And avoiding the cookie aisle? It ain’t easy, brother! I’M STUFFING CALORIES DOWN YOUR THROAT?

TH:  ……. 

Me:  It’s entirely possible that I’m channeling my frustration with other issues. 

TH: So, it’s not really bread we’re talking about here?

Me: Perhaps not.  But I still don’t think I like that bread.  Hug me.

TH: Okay.

Me: You know you can just put that mail in the mailbox and flip up the red flag and the mailman will put it in the right box.

The Hubbs:  Yes, I know that.  That’s what I was going to do.

Me: Well, fine.  I won’t suggest anything to you or tell you how to do anything else for as long as we live.

The Hubbs: I just had already thought to do that.  What did you think I was going to do with it?

Me: It’s addressed to a lady up the street.  I thought maybe you were going to drive up there and put it in her mailbox.

The Hubbs: Why would I do that?

Me: I don’t know. 

The Hubbs: I’m going to work.

Me: Okay.

The Hubbs: I need coffee.  I love you.

Me: I love you, too.

The Hubbs: I’m late.

Me: You’re stalling.

The Hubbs: You’re stalling.

Me: Bye.

The Hubbs: Bye.

Via phone…

Me: You need to go wash your hands.

The Hubbs: Why?

Me:  Just trust me.  You need to go wash your hands for at least 30 seconds with soap.

The Hubbs: I did just wash my hands a few minutes ago.

Me:  I’m telling you.  I watched this thing today and MRSA and the Swine Flu are sweeping the nation and killing people.

The Hubbs:  What is mersa?

Me:  It’s M-R-S-A.  It’s some form of the strep-o-kaleidoscope bacteria.  It lives on your skin.

The Hubbs: …

Me: Regular antibiotics won’t kill it.  You’ll get these flesh wounds with puss and then you’ll die.

The Hubbs: I’m clean.

Me:  Don’t touch your face.  Keep your hands away from your mouth and nose.  I really think you should go and wash your hands.

The Hubbs: Right.

Me:  And use some Purell or something after shaking people’s hands at work.  You don’t know where they’ve been.

The Hubbs: Okay.

Me:  And when the swine flu vaccine is available, you’re getting it. 

The Hubbs:  Alissa, you need to calm it down.

Me:  But I love you.

The Hubbs:  I love you, too.

P.S. Heather Armstrong from the popular blog “dooce” linked to my blog in her post yesterday.  Thanks, Heather!  www.dooce.com is a riot.  Heather and her family offer great stories, beautiful pictures and some bad-ace dance moves. 

Me:  Hey, I just saw on the news that the DMV is not going to renew registrations if you haven’t gotten your inspection in the last year.

The Hubbs: Yeah.

Me: Starting August 1st.

The Hubbs: Yeah.

Me:  Well, I didn’t get my car inspected because you remember when you came home from work and you said that you had talked to that one guy you work with and you were like, “hey, show me your registration.” And I told you it was in my purse and you got it and then you showed me where it says that I wasn’t due for an inspection until 2010.

The Hubbs:  Yeah, you’re not due until 2010.

Me: …

(blank staring)

The Hubbs: I’m going to finish brushing my teeth now.

Me:  You have a hole in your sock.  How do you do that?  Do you wiggle your toes a lot? 

The Hubbs: No, I don’t think so.  It just happens.  I can’t help it.

Me:  Maybe we should sell my car.  See what we could get for it.

The Hubbs:  No.

Me:  Well, fine. 

The Hubbs:  Okay.  Love you.  Have a good day.

Me:  Love you, too.  Bye.  Drive safely.  Be nice.  Love you.  Don’t squish your lunch bag. Love you, bye.

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© Alissa C. Miles and "And So They Did...", 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material including pictures from posts and/or other pages without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Alissa C. Miles and "And So They Did..." with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Basically, don't steal my stuff. Thanks. -A.

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